Dropping a Bowling Ball Off a Dam
(View segment from 4:44 to 11:26)
Was it difficult to hit the trampoline from 165 meters (541 feet, or almost 2 football fields)?
- Yes.
Which of the 3 surfaces (the cement dam, the pasture, or the trampoline) survived the best AND kept the bowling ball in the best shape?
- Cement dam: the surface of the dam was only scuffed and not broken. The ball was shattered.
- The pasture: the surface of the pasture was deeply smashed. The ball mostly survived, but one time the ball broke on the pasture.
- The trampoline: it stretched, absorbed the shock, but did not break (though some springs were displaced). The ball rebounded, bounced again, and landed in good shape on the pasture.
Think of the bowling ball as a difficult person who comes flying into our lives.
Think of those 3 surfaces like 3 different types of people who have to deal with the difficult person:
some people respond to the difficult person in a way that is too hard like cement,
others respond in a way that is too soft like pasture,
and then there are those who respond in a way that is just right like the trampoline.
Too Hard:
Why do you think that a person who bottles up his anger tends to be too hard, especially towards difficult people?
- Anger doesn’t go away by ignoring it. If not felt and expressed appropriately, anger often comes out as hardness or harshness towards others.
How is the way that angry people tend to treat others similar to the way the dam treated the bowling ball?
- People with unresolved anger tend to lash out unmercifully and ‘smash’ others who annoy them or get in their way.
Too Soft:
Why do you think that a person who bottles up his sadness tends to be too soft towards others?
- Sorrow doesn’t go away by ignoring it. If not felt and expressed, sorrow zaps energy and makes everything look overwhelming. Sad people tend to feel that lots of things are their fault that really aren’t.
How is the way that sad people tend to respond to others similar to the way the pasture responded to the bowling ball?
- People with unresolved sadness can too willingly accept the complaints of others and the hardships of life as somehow their fault and then become deeply wounded by them.
Just Right:
Why do you think that a person who appropriately expresses his feelings tends to be more flexible and peaceful with others and better at dealing with difficult people?
- An emotionally mature/healthy person feels his emotions and expresses them at the right time, with the right people, for the right reason.
- Such a person can be more present to others since he isn’t bogged down with past emotional burdens that would otherwise pop up and take over his interactions.
How is the way that emotionally mature/healthy people tend to respond to a difficult person similar to the way the trampoline responded to the bowling ball?
- Even though these people may be hurt by the injustice of a difficult person’s behavior, they more flexibly accept their responsibilities and their own faults, and then more charitably toss back what is not theirs.